"First day is hard."

     So, I started my new job yesterday.  Keep in mind, this is the job that got me out of my horrible job situation.  The job I thought came to me as a good sign out of the blue when I desperately needed a change.  The job that would turn my (almost daily) frown upside down.  By the time I got in my car a few minutes before six yesterday evening, I had a full-on breakdown.  I called my mom and bawled my eyes out all the way home.  I hate change.  I am a creature of habit.  I knew I would be stepping into something completely different.  The lack of organization made me insane!  Yes, I am aware that I am very "Type-A."  My day was non-stop.  It was like everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off.  On the positive side, the 9 hours I was there flew by.(Like a fighter jet from hell!)  I was hoping to maybe find a couple new friends out of the deal, but I found most people there less than friendly.  Maybe they were just feeling me out?  I don't know.  Anyway, it was a rough day.  I prayed for patience, strength and a positive attitude repeatedly last night.  I slept horrible.  When I heard the coffee come on this morning, I prayed for the same things again.  My mom told me to remember how blessed I am to have a job at a time when many people are out of work.  A friend said, "First day is hard."  I know these things.  I am going to do my very best to put my happy face on and make today better.  The way I see it, that is my only choice.

     I neglected to mention the one positive thing I found about yesterday.  Unfortunately, it isn't exactly positive as far as my on-going struggle with my eating disorder is concerned.  During my crazy busy, stressful day, I found I had no appetite.  It reminded me of how I used to eat one meal a day.  After being hungry for a while, your body stops feeling hungry.  I felt this for the first time in a long time yesterday.  And to be honest, I loved it.  It is that sense of control that I adore so very much.  I remember thinking to myself, "At least maybe I will get skinny again."  Even right now, that thought almost brings a smile to my face.  Right now, I will take any smile I can muster.  I hope my prayers worked.  Time to start day two.