Yes, this is what my very best friend said to me on our way out a few nights ago. She says I could look amazing and still find something wrong. She is right. She has this crazy ability to know when I am upset without even talking to me. She knows what I'm thinking. It is scary sometimes, but she is usually right.( One of the many reasons I love and adore her.) I have neglected to journal or blog for far too long. I was reminded this by another friend, who inspired me to search deeper.(Thanks Emma.) What has been going on.....
Jeremiah has been gone on business. Business that could change our lives. I am so proud of him for not just talking, but actually doing. Work has been crazy as always. Everyday something new and unpleasant. This week I decided to visit a doctor to help me get out of my rut. I hate to be a slave to medication, which I felt I was when I discontinued all my meds a few months ago. I seemed to go downhill from then. Lately I have had little motivation to leave the house, clean, or even get myself "prettied-up" to go anywhere. Not to mention that I haven't been sleeping much. Jen informed me that I needed to do whatever it takes to get back to feeling like my normal self. She was right.
I scheduled an appointment with a new PCP to get another opinion. I loved my new doctor. He listened, was friendly, and quite attractive. :) Bonus. Giggle. He decided to put me back on an anti-anxiety med. Within a couple of days I noticed an improvement in myself. At least for now, I will keep taking them.
A big task ahead is learning to really love me for who I am. As well as learning to love the people around me more, for who they are. As much as I loathe judgemental people, I can be judgemental to myself and others. It has to stop. More happiness please! All around! A little for everyone! Positive note: I haven't purged in several days. Yaaaaay! Smiles!!!!
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